How many people in Liverpool have swimming pools in their back garden? How many people in this moderate to cold city with high annual rainfall and strong coastal winds have made the decision to build a swimming pool in their garden which they can enjoy a nice swim in for about 1 week every year? Well, its hard to find people who have too much money, not much sense, and are young and healthy and like over the top displays of wealth in this city…
Oh yeah! They’re football crazy, they’re football mad, they’ve got too much money and are a symbol of a broken system of wealth distribution that can no longer justify it’s own existence (read to the tune of that ‘He’s football crazy, he’s football mad!’ song). Well readers that means there are probably at least 22 residents of liverpool who may well have swimming pools in their garden.
If all these men sold all their houses they could probably, like, rebuild the Everton estate or something. Or build an Ice Cream factory. Or a make cloud laser gun that shoots rain out of the sky. Selfish much?
But I’m not hear to tell footballers how to live. Unless they want me to tell them how to live in which case I charge £39,894 an hour and recommend that you divorce any wives and sell any children, they’re only holding you back, you are a great golden butterfly and need to be untethered, maybe you could earn that move to Real Madrid, you don’t need them, you just need Real Madrid. Trust in the money!
Sorry. Wrong cautionary tale…
This cautionary tale is not about the burden of male ambition and the problem of ‘capitalist success fantasy’ syndrome, where-in we all believe that it is our fate to become hugely successful and rich, and we will, in just a few years, hence the system is great. No, this cautionary tale is all about swimming pools and bicycles. Swimming pools and bicycles. Swimming pools, my friends, and good old bicycles. This all stems from an experience I had at a friends house. This friend had a swimming pool but no swimming pool safety cover. Yon know the thing I mean. The weird big sheets that go over the pool and you’re not aloud to run on even though it really looks like it would be fun to run on. You know… swimming pool safety covers. Swimming pool safety covers? No?
That’s right. Safety Covers for Swimming Pools.
Well, the kids were cycling round the garden on the bikes and they started racing around the pool. I could see it coming. I could see it happening. But I did nothing, why did I don nothing? Because I’m a coward ok? I’m a spineless coward. I’m sure you would have lept in front of the moving bikes and sacrificed yourself but we cant all be Claude Van Damn alright?! We can’t all be Arnold Schwarzenegger, alright?! We can’t all be, I duno, an actual real life hero who did something like Robin Hood or something. OK!?
Well, it happened, one kid got a little too close to the pool and the bike capsized and the kid went in with it. The kid was fine in the end, we managed to fish him out with a pole. But the point is that When cycling, safety extends beyond a helmet or a safe bike, it’s about knowing your environment. This time cycle safety meant swimming pool safety. In the same way, the council needs to realise that cycle safety can mean car safety, can mean pavement safety, should mean city safety.
Stay safe Liverpool.